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ZORTHIAN & YALE

In front of the gigantic door at Skull and Bones .. PHOTO: Max

We slept until 2, then strolled past Skull & Bones and over to Saybrook to meet with Master Mary Miller who had hosted my Saybrook Tea on “Sex at Yale” at SWAY 2004. It was great to see Master Miller again, though I’ll never get used to calling her Master. When I went to Yale, a Master was always a Mister. Of course, it wouldn’t be right to call this distinguished Vincent Scully Professor of the History of Art a “Mistress.” Fortunately, Mary and I are on a first-name basis. We chatted about the Week, and agreed that it was too bad the timing was off so that we couldn’t do a Tea this year, as Saybrugians had been talking about the Tea I gave last time for months afterwards, especially those Pocket Rockets. In fact, Jennifer Lee ’04, now a grad student at California Institute of Technology had been so inspired that she invited me to give a similar talk to the Ladies of Caltech. My Mission: To Bring Pocket Rockets to Future Rocket Scientists, for the Sake of Humankind!

In the Saybrook courtyard with Harkness in the background. PHOTO: Max

No sense depriving the next generation of Saybrugians, so Mary and I vowed to put a Saybrook Master’s Tea on the roster early in the planning stages of SWAY ’08. I gave her a bottle of Absente, warning her to be careful of the Green Fairy, and she gave me a look like she already knew better.

Wearing my Saybrook scarf at Saybrook .. PHOTO: Random Saybrugian

While waiting for our appointment, Max and I overheard an attempted hook-up between a lovely female student working in the Master’s office and an earnest Saybrook musician who was there to borrow a microphone but seemed more intent on getting another phone – her number. It was as sweet and innocent as a conversation could be, but nevertheless…who says there’s no sex at Yale?

Back at the Duncan, we ran into our friend David G. who drove down from Maine just for the occasion, presenting himself as my ‘Backup Butler.” Jon Carlo finally resurfaced, having beaten the Green Fairy back into Fairyland, and my entourage was complete, sober and ready for action. We carted our suitcase filled with Doc Johnson Pocket Rockets and other naughty goodies down to the lecture hall at Linsly-Chit. As the hall quickly filled up to standing-room-only of bright, shining faces, all of my jet-lagged worries about *something going wrong* floated away and I gave the students what they wanted.

Yes, I'm having a bad hair night, but it was a great lecture.
PHOTO: Jon Carlo Bruttomezzo

That is, I gave away a ton of stuff. Maybe I didn’t want to be outdone by multi-millionaire Patti Brisbane’s monster sex toy giveaways, but I was Santa Clausing it up, giving away copies of Squirt Salon, Weimar Love, the 10 Commandments of Pleasure, bottles of Agavero and Absente Absinthe (only to the over-21-year-olds), and of course, the Pocket Rockets. In an effort to get them quickly to the back rows, I impulsively tested their propellant capabilities. With my cross-eyed astigmatism, I am not the greatest pitcher, but David, a former varsity college softball player, announced that I was tossing ‘em out there like a pitcher. That made me feel cocky, which rendered me cockeyed, and next thing you know I was coldcocking a student. Well, actually a Pocket Rocket just grazed him lightly in the head. Dain looked concerned. Lawsuits flashed through my mind. I apologized, adding “Hey at least, I’m not Dick Cheney.” He dropped out of Yale, then went on to attack bigger game, like elderly hunting buddies and countries who haven't attacked us. The room erupted in guffaws and applause; not a lot of Dick fans here.

Yalies thirst for sexual knowledge and Pocket Rockets
PHOTO: Jon Carlo Bruttomezzo

Not wishing to bean another innocent Eli, I devoted myself to my main *giveaway,* my lecture. And what can I say? It was, indeed, a mighty fine lecture. Many of the students participated and asked challenging questions, even when they weren’t being bribed with prizes. Even the quiet ones beamed at me all the way through, just seeming to enjoy sitting in a class they wouldn’t be tested on – except, of course, in life. In truth, these shining stars of American academia seem starved for sexual knowledge. I tried to nourish them as best I could, without overfeeding. It is a fine line we sex educators must walk.

Dain Lewis '07, Director of Sex Week at Yale '06, gives me the SWAY thank you gift
PHOTO: Jon Carlo Bruttomezzo

After the lecture and the schmoozing, we were starved, not for knowledge, but for munchies. JC went to see a friend, and my Two Butlers and I went to Sullivan’s Bar, right across from the Duncan. The bouncer greeted me with a 1000-watt smile, crowing, “I’ve seen you on HBO!” But alas, the kitchen had stopped serving food. Fame is a powerful thing, but if it can’t get you fed past closing time, it’s pretty worthless. We got a call from Miyoko, the adorable ex-Playboy TV hostess who had just been at my lecture with her mom(!). Miyoko was a guest on my show a few weeks before, promoting her book, “The Practical Striptease.” Dain and Eric had seen her at Erotica LA, and asked her to turn her Power Point Presentation into the College Striptease for Sex Week at Yale. Miyoko brought her entire family, including hubby Jeff, mom and two kids, everybody staying at the Omni. Since Mom had come to my lecture, she took over babysitting duty hotel while Jeff got dinner. We joined them at Quattro’s, a hotel-style Italian restaurant right across from the Omni. How was it? Let’s just say the food wasn’t as good as the company. But we were starved, and grateful.

With Miyoko at Quattro's, and Showing Off My Yale Thong (what the students couldn't see) at the Duncan PHOTOS: Max

Back at the Duncan, I took one of my butlers to bed. This time we had sex. Very good sex. We often have very good sex after a lecture or show. One big horn-honking orgasm each, and off to Sleepyville.

I can hear the sounds of violins
Long before it begins
Make me thrill as only you know how
SWAY me smooth, SWAY me now

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S W A Y . W I T H . M E
SeX Week at Yale '06
by Susan Block, Ph.D. '77
IN 5PAGES
1 I 2 I 3 I 4 I 5

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