The following are a few tasty little
tidbits from my new book The 10 Commandments of Pleasure. I
won’t lie to you--the purpose of printing the excerpts is to entice you
into buying the book. But if you can’t afford it, you can just read this
and other excerpts we print in the next few issues of this Journal--I’ll
never know and you’ll still be able to take part in all those hot conversations
everybody’s now having about the book...
Since being censored on AOL for discussing
“genitalia” is still fresh in my mind, I chose the second two excerpts
because they focus on those two marvelous, much-maligned parts of male
and female anatomy. The first excerpt is about my favorite critter, The
Dr. Susan Block Institute mascot, and the inspiration for my 10
Commandments of Pleasure: the bonobo.
Excerpted from the Introduction:
A Prescription for Pleasure
(pages xix-xx)
The Bonobo Way
Deep in the soul of the hot, wet swamps of Zaire,
there is a tribe. It is here, in their wild, erotic Garden of Eden, that
our closest cousins, the bonobos, live and share a powerful kind
of pleasure, and make an extraordinary kind of love.
The Horniest Chimps on Earth
Bonobos, also called pygmy chimpanzees (Pan
paniscus), are as close to human as primates can get. They have longer
legs than common chimps, more open faces with higher foreheads and other
characteristics that place them closer in appearance to humans. The genitals
of bonobo females are rotated forward like those of human females, so that
they can have face-to-face sex rather than just “doggie style,” with the
male mounting from behind like most other primates. Basically, bonobos
can do “it” in almost as many positions as we can, and they do do
it--a lot.
Bonobos have some kind of sex almost every day.
Females are in heat for three-quarters of their cycle, and many of them
copulate even when not in heat, a sexual pattern more like human females
than that of any other mammal. Though common chimpanzees only have sex
to reproduce, bonobos share all kinds of sexual pleasures, including cunnilingus,
fellatio, masturbation, massage, bisexuality, body-licking, sex in different
positions, group sex, and lots of long, deep, wet, soulful, French kissing.
Like tantric sex practitioners, or just like two people very much in love,
copulating bonobos often look deeply into each other’s eyes. Such loving
passion, such sexual dexterity, such clever, horny playfulness is found
nowhere else on earth except among humans.
Using Pleasure to Create Peace
But that’s not all that makes our kissin’ cousins,
the bonobos, so worthy of our attention. It’s not just how they have
sex, but how they use sex--to ease stress, to maintain relationships,
as a form of commercial exchange (e.g., I’ll give you a kiss if you give
me a banana), and to reduce violent conflict.
Scientific observation has revealed that social
interactions among bonobos are far less hostile than among common chimps.
That’s not to say bonobos never fight--they just do so a lot less--and
unlike common chimps (and humans), bonobos have never been observed deliberately
killing members of their own species. Also, unlike common chimps, their
social organization is not male dominated; females play important social
roles. Among bonobos observed in the wild and in captivity, sex and mutual
pleasure are keys to keeping the peace, reinforcing social relations based
upon the give and take of sensual, erotic pleasure rather than on pain
and force and fear (guess all that good sex just cools them out!).
“The Bonobo Way” is a very simple philosophy (after
all, these aren’t geniuses, darling, they’re chimpanzees!) that we all
know deep in our bones, but that we seem to forget in the midst
of our busy, lonely, fearful, stressful, polluted, violent lives:
Pleasure Eases Pain * Good Sex Diffuses Tension
* Love Lessens Violence And You Can’t Very Well Fight a War While You’re
Having an Orgasm.
The “commandments” in this book are my way of
applying the principles of The Bonobo Way to the far more complex, civilized
lives of human ladies and gentlemen. They support the repression of violence
and the free, exuberant, erotic, raunchy, loving, peaceful, consensual
expression of pleasure. They will teach you not only to find the pleasures
in your life, but to share them with your “primemate,”1 your
beautiful bonobo partner-in-love...
1I
created the term primemate, based on a combination of the words
prime and mate, and a play on the word primate. I
use it throughout the book to mean "lover" or "partner", "husband" or "wife."
Basically, your primemate is your prime mate (usually your only mate, though
not necessarily.
Excerpted from the Ninth Commandment of
a Lady’s Pleasure:
Thou Shalt Have Foreplay
(pages 62-65)
....Baseball player Phil Garner put it like this,
“You have to do to tobacco like you do to women. You let it work up to
a good chew, let it get moist and juicy. If you chew too fast, it will
become dry and fall apart.” You might want to keep a glass of water nearby
to wet your whistle. Ice is also fun. Roll a piece around in your mouth,
then lick and suck away. Turns cunnilingus into sipping a cooool drink--a
vaginal slurpy!
Go on, slurp her up, dive into her ocean, swim
through her warm, thick currents and make your way home.
Pearl Diving
The center of a lady’s pleasure is her clitoris,
little Miss Clitty, the precious pearl of her luscious oyster, that cute
Little Red Riding Hood centrally located towards the top of the vulva just
over the entrance to the vagina (hey, lots of guys and some women don't
know where the clitoris is, so I thought I’d get a little geography in
here).
Lick it, flick it, suck it, finger it, tap it, stroke it, spank it lightly,
play with it, feel how it grows between your lips or against your fingertips,
try new things with it, and vary your tongue and finger movements, always
paying very close attention to her particular responses. These responses
are signals that tell you how she likes what you’re doing. For instance,
if her legs open up or her tummy distends or her back arches, pushing her
vulva toward your mouth, or if she moans “yes! yes! yes!”, you know you’re
doing something right. Pay attention to her breathing; it should set the
rhythm of your tongue movement. When in doubt, just ask what she
likes, as in “Do you like that? (lick, lap, slurp)...How about like
this? (lap, lap, suck, nibble)”, though if she’s enjoying it, don’t
be surprised if she squeezes her thighs around your head and hisses, “Ooohhhhh...Just
shut up and suck!”
Remember, every lady is different. Some like direct
clitoral stimulation, some prefer you to focus your licking just above,
below or to the side of her clitoris. Most prefer that you lick first,
slowly lapping up and down, not quite licking her clit or her anus or penetrating
her labia, then suck, then nibble. When she’s already nice and juiced
up, try holding her clit between two fingers and slurping her into ecstacy.
A lady’s clitoral desires tend to change with
her mood and the time of month; be sensitive to that. Whatever you do,
keep it wet. The wetter the clitoris is, the more aroused it is, and the
more vigorously you can devour it. Do not try to greedily gobble a dry
clit, or you may find yourself on the receiving end of a swift kick in
the solar plexus. Remember, in real estate, it’s location, location, location.
In female pleasure--lubrication, lubrication, lubrication.
Make her clit swell and strain for your tongue,
make her vulva open up and “beg” for you to enter. Try holding your mouth
still, letting her rub up against you. When you feel she’s ready, let your
tongue dive in between her labia, down into her heated pool, her warm and
salty sea. As you can see, you can do a lot to arouse her before entering
her vagina with your tongue, let alone your fingers or penis.
Remember: the vulva is the door to her pleasure,
and the clitoris is the doorbell.
A gentleman doesn’t forget to ring a lady’s doorbell
before he enters her pleasure palace.
Wu Hu!
Empress Wu Hu, who ruled China during the T'ang
Dynasty, had the right idea when she decreed that all government officials
and visiting dignitaries must pay homage to her Imperial Highness by performing
cunnilingus upon her. Really, old paintings depict the beautiful, powerful
empress standing and holding her ornate robe open, while a high official,
nobleman, or diplomat is shown kneeling humbly before her, lavishly applying
his lips and tongue to her royal netherparts...
Shouldn’t your lady be so honored by you, her
noble man?
Be Patient.
Remember: the distaff tends to be slower to arouse.
A couple of laps and a peck on her inner thigh won’t cut it. Ladies often
complain that guys simply don’t “go downtown” long enough to get their
juices flowing, let alone bring them to a climax. Jackie, one of my sex
therapy clients, was constantly frustrated because her husband didn’t lick
her for more than a few seconds before he was climbing ontop to enter her.
I suggested she switch positions and sit on his face. Now she won’t let
him get up until she’s good and ready!
Of course, not every lady is bold enough for face-sitting.
If your lady prefers to lie back and receive cunnilingus, it’s up to you
to keep lapping for as long as she needs. Eat your favorite food from between
her legs if it helps you to stay down there long enough to give your lady
pleasure! Seriously, try honey, chocolate mousse, whipped cream, soy sauce,
champagne, guacamole--whatever turns on your taste buds and keeps you licking.
Remember how you “developed a taste” for certain
vegetables when you were little? Well, if you haven’t already, it’s time
for you to develop a taste for something carnal--pussy! It may be
sweet and sour, musky and flowery, or fishy and salty. Like fine French
cuisine, when prepared correctly, it’s always saucy....
Excerpted from The Second Commandments
of a Gentleman’s Pleasure:
Thou Shalt Adore His Penis
(pages 94-96)
Men love their own penises, and so should you.
His penis is not just his greatest source of pleasure, it's his identity,
his thrust into the future, his proudest possession, his best friend, his
most powerful and most vulnerable body part. Adore it, adorn it, hold it,
caress it, kiss it, lick it, suck it, praise it, play with it, tease it,
torture it--gently2, of course. Talk to his penis (sometimes
it may have more to “say” than he does!), develop a relationship with it,
talk about it and how much you love it. Do this often. Several times
daily is not too often.
Keep in mind that a man's penis is always outside
his body, not hidden away like a woman's genitalia, so a guy tends to think
about it a lot. He has to negotiate its position in his underwear, not
to mention handle it every time he takes a whiz. When it gets hard, watch
out! That thing moves and grows like Godzilla taking over downtown Tokyo!
When it doesn't get hard, and it's "supposed" to get hard, it might as
well be a flag flying at half mast for a deeply beloved dead hero.
No matter how monogamous you are, you will
always share your man with “someone” he loves at least as much as you:
his dick.
Try not to make him choose between you and his
penis too often. That’s just asking for trouble.
Touch His Penis
All men don’t want the same things in life or
in sex, but every man wants to have his penis touched. Men do like different
types of touch; some like it soft and gentle, others rough and vigorous,
some prefer the friction of dry touch, others want it wet and sensual.
But all like direct touch.
When a gentleman’s penis is stroked, all of him
is stroked. It’s his simplest, most basic, and one of his most essential
pleasures. Touch it with your lips, your fingertips, your hands, your hair,
your tongue, your tush, your nose, and your toes. Rub it between your breasts
(that’s coitus a mammalia). Rub your wet labia against it. Welcome
it into you. Sit on it, spread for it, bend over for it. Hug and squeeze
it while it’s inside of you. Explore his other erogenous zones--the multiple
pleasure points all over his body and in his mind. But you can never focus
too much affectionate attention on a man's penis, even a sensitive man's.
Love it in sickness and in health, in hardness
and in limpness.
Basically, the more harmoniously the three of
you can live together, the happier all of you will be...
The Order of Things
With gentlemen, it tends to be penis first. With
ladies, it’s vagina last. This may be the crux of the conflict we call
the “Battle of the Sexes.” The good news is that these apparently opposed
approaches to sex can be quite compatible, as long as the male learns to
arouse the female before penetrating her, and as long as the female
learns to get to his dick as soon as possible. Yes, sometimes, you can
even kiss his penis before you kiss his lips. I assure you, he won’t mind.
If you start by paying lots of loving attention
to his penis, then, when he’s fully aroused, you can move on to his other
body parts, intermittently return-ing to his main “member,” and grad-ually
you will eroticize his entire body. “Like a woman,” he will become vir-tually
orgasmic all over. Once his penis is hard, you can take a touch adventure
all over his body. Like a happy doggie with a hard wagging “tail,” he’ll
adore being petted and stroked all over....
2Unless
he's a submissive masochist in which case, I suggest clothespins, rubber
bands or other convenient household implements of torture.
