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BLUE VALUES

 By
Dr. Susan Block

"Question
with boldness even the existence of a God; because , if there be one, he
must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blind-folded fear.". Thomas Jefferson (1743-1826) "As
democracy is perfected, the office of president represents, more and more
closely, the inner soul of the people.
On some
great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's
desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron." .,. H.L.
Mencken (1880-1956) "Morality
is a venereal disease. Its primary stage is called virtue; its secondary
stage, boredom; its tertiary stage, syphilis." ............... Karl
Kraus (1874-1936)

Like
most folks I know, I’ve been singing the Blues since Red Tuesday. Yes
indeed,
Brothers & Sisters, Lovers & Sinners,
I got dem Dem-dumb
Blue State Blues....I’ll
get over it. I’m essentially optimistic. But let me tell you: When I’m
Blue, I don’t need some red-faced Red State redneck, who voted for the
nastiest gaggle of chickenhawk war criminals and crony-nesting thieves
ever to perch upon the Executive Branch, lecturing me about “moral
values.” Nor do I need any lily-livered, “Time for Healing,” down-n-defeated
Dems trying to turn my deep Blue Values purple with acquiescence, or render
them vomit green with a dollop of cowardly yellow.
And speaking
of cowardly lions, hey Cowboy King George: Now’s the time to hop on your
horse
and ride through town, spending all that political capital you claim
you earned!
What’s the matter, Georgy, 'fraid of horses?
Not daring
to question the “mandate” of their horse-fearing Moral Leader,
American pundits in both Red and Blue States have taken refuge in bloviating
upon
the importance
of Moral Values in politics. As if the phrase “honest politician” is anything
but an oxymoron. Though this is not about honesty, of course. Honesty is
only a Red Issue when you're talking about a Democrat, and it has something
to do with sex. Nor does
it seem that Red State Moral Values have anything to do with torturing, raping or killing innocent
people. As the pundits never tire of telling us, one in five
American
voters (obviously, a small minority of Americans) cited “moral values”
as a major issue, and eight out of 10 of these Solomonic adjudicators voted
for a
President
who,
independent
studies
had just revealed, had summarily, and quite merrily executed over
100,000 men, women and children (mostly the latter) upon invading the
wrong country in his terrorist War on Terror. And that's just a count
for the first year.
But who
cares about counting dead people? Not General Tommy Franks who says, “We
don’t do body counts.” Even if we did, Barbara Bush (the Matriarch Medusa,
not
the cute Yalie half
of the Bush Twins) doesn’t want to “waste my beautiful mind on something
like...body bags and deaths and how many and when...” Nor
does moral Red America, who much prefers counting sexual sins, in which any
kind of sex--outside of married, monogamous, missionary position intercourse
with the lights out, for procreation only—counts against you, if you’re
caught.
And that’s a big IF. As a Blue State sex therapist who counsels a lot of
Red State clients, I know that more than a few exurbs-full of these pink-cheeked
moralizers are screwing their neighbors' wives, as well as their neighbors'
sons, not
to mention their sheep, in between voting-as-sacrament for the horse-phobic
cowboy with the trigger-happy soul. And no, I won't name names.
Though
I’m their trusted Mother Confessor in private, the Red Statists spare
no effort in excoriating my profession in public. Typical Madonna/Whore
complex,
I suppose, but it's getting
medieval. In the World According to the Red States, sex therapists,
educators, entertainers and
other
Americans like me (especially those of us who reside in the azure-Blue
State of California) are more dangerous than Osama, Saddam, John
Kerry
or even
Hillary
Clinton.
With
the supreme assurance of the ignorant, they assert our lack of
values. Correct me if I’m wrong (and please,
no anthrax or horse poop in my email), but as far
as I can see, Red State Values come down to the 10 A's: antiabortion, anti-female,
anti-secular, anti-science, anti-environment, anti-poor-people, anti-gay,
anti-art, anti-porn & anti-sex
(aka abstinence only). Now excuse me for not helping with the “healing” here,
but these are some sorry, terrorized excuses for values. Any political
compromise that bows down to these values is as immoral and irrational
as saying your
candidate would be “better and smarter” at conducting Dubya’s depraved War
on Iraq.
To hear
the pundits tell it, one could assume that Americans who don’t genuflect
to the 10 A’s have no values (or value) at all. It’s just Red Values and
Blue Flipflops. It’s true that many Democrats don’t seem to
know which end is up these days, which is one reason why their candidate
could barely inspire the mammoth Anybody But Bush (ABB) vote. Just imagine
if he really had represented Blue Values. We actually might have "Licked
Bush, Beat Dick" and taken the bastards out.
 I’m
talking about the value of masturbation, and not occupation
 So
what about Blue Values? What about good old-fashioned Jeffersonian, radical-liberal,
democratic (with a small d), progressive, populist, personal,
Constitution-enshrined, science-based, heartfelt, sexual values? Yes, SEXUAL.
After all, VALUES is code for SEX, isn’t it? Or is it WAR? Well, it depends
on the color of your glasses...
So
let me bring these colors into focus, Brothers & Sisters, Lovers & Sinners,
at least as I see them. And remember: I’m a sex therapist, so don’t be shocked
if my values turn you on.

MY
BLUE VALUES
Note:
The following is a personal, free-associated list, not necessarily in order
of importance, and not necessarily representing YOUR BLUE VALUES

When
I talk about Blue Values...
I’m
talking about the values of the Enlightenment, and not the Apocalypse; I’m
talking about the value of Hot Love, and not Perma-War; I'm
talking about the values of the U.S. Constitution, and not the Bible,
the Koran, the Bhagavad Gita, The Book of Thoth, or the Gospels According
to Anybody;
I’m
talking about the value of lust, and not greed; I’m
talking about the value of explosive orgasms, and not exploding ordnance;
I’m
talking about the value of bare beauty, and not naked aggression;
I’m
talking about the
value of pussy juice and lube, and not our blood for their
oil;
I’m
talking about the
value of hard dicks, and not hardnosed dickheads;
I’m
talking about the value of “Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness,”
and not “God, Guns and Gay-Bashing”;
I’m
talking about the
value of Ethical Hedonism, and not Unethical Puritanism;
I’m
talking about the
value of dildos and vibrators, and not cruise missiles and killing machines;
I’m
talking about the
value of intelligent erotica and smokin' BLUE movies, and not Mel’s Christian
death porn or U.S. military snuff films
showing the village
greens of Iraq running
RED with blood; I’m
talking about the
value of the Bonobo
Way, and not acting like a baboon;
I’m
talking about the
value of masturbation, and not occupation;
I’m
talking about the
value of consensual BDSM games, and not colonial-style torture;
I’m
talking about the
value of people in bed with their lovers, and not TV news shows "embedded" with
the government; I’m
talking about the
value of science, innovation, open-mindedness and courage, and not superstition,
creationism,
bigotry and fear;
I’m
talking about the value of governance based upon sweet reason, thrift
and compassion, and not religious hysteria, acid-induced ecstasy, or
even
the rose-colored
glasses of love;
I’m
talking about the
value of sexual connection, and not gender competition; I’m
talking about the
value of good wine and good weed, and not jamming more than 2 million
Americans in
prison, many for victimless
“crimes”;
I’m
talking about the
value of blue skies and a clean environment, and not red skies radiating
pollution; I’m
talking about the
value of sex research and education, and not enforced sexual stupidity;
I’m
talking about the
value of marriage, and not banning “certain
people” from getting married;
I’m
talking about the
value of helping those less fortunate,
and not blaming the poor for being poor; I’m
talking about the
value of stem cell research, and not valuing
the so-called
“rights” of the unborn
over the
living…
And I've
got plenty more values I could talk about...though I
don't want to get too preachy (hehe). But speaking of
abortion, let me indulge my Blues State Blues for just a moment
here,
since being "pro-life" is being touted, in hushed tones,
as the #1 Moral Values Issue rallying the Red State “values voters." I've
often wondered why Corporate America supports
the Religious
Right’s war on women’s reproductive freedom. I mean, what do all these
rich folks get out of forcing all these poor women—even raped women--to
have
kids they don’t want to have? Of course, they don’t
help these reluctant moms raise their unwanted kids;
on the contrary, they take away their aid. It's not possible that all
these corporate fat cats who support the rabid anti-abortionites are
just sadists (though as a therapist, I happen to know that more
than a few
of them are). There has to be a solid, practical reason.

We
don’t call them “slaves” here in modern America. We call them the Volunteer
Army.

I just
didn't get it. Then Kelpie
Wilson reminded me to look to history, specifically Ancient Rome,
so often compared to modern America. Abortion was very popular
in Rome and throughout the ancient world. It was neither immoral
nor illegal. Unwanted children were a problem then as they are now.
Many families sold their “extra” kids into slavery. Was abortion less moral
than selling one’s own child into brutal slavery? You decide.
History
tells us that more and more Roman women decided in favor of abortion, as
well as contraception. They enjoyed their sex, those Romans. But as the
Imperial Empire spread and the Imperial economy slowed, they stopped having
large families they couldn’t afford. Thus the Roman slave population was
drastically
reduced.
What was
practical and moral for Roman women and their families became an obstacle
for the Empire.
The Empire needed slaves. At its height, about 20% of the Roman Empire's
subjects were slaves. When fewer women bore unwanted children that they
had to sell into slavery, many Roman systems (like the military) started
to falter. That’s when the Roman government stepped in to outlaw abortion,
as well as some forms of contraception. Lawmakers forced women, especially
poor women, to bear unwanted children, precisely because they wanted these
women to sell these same children into slavery to the state—and at a cheap
price. Is that what the Reds mean by "value"?
Obviously,
American Evangelicals, despite the fact that their movement made its name
by being avid “abolitionists” instrumental in awakening the nation to
the evils of slavery before the Civil War, don’t see it this way. But the
fact is that all empires need slaves. They need militaries filled with poor
young people who have virtually
no other options. Of course, we don’t call them “slaves” here in modern America.
We call them the Volunteer Army.
When a young poor person is enticed to enlist to “be all they can be,” then
sent to Iraq to do Dubya’s dirty work and die, that’s slavery. So: when women
have the right to abortion and contraception, they produce fewer slaves.
They tend to match the size of their families to the resources available,
to Mother Nature. They do not breed for the state’s slave army naturally;
that sort of breeding tends to be forced upon them.
The Nazis
also criminalized abortion. I know, it’s not very sporting to utter the
N-word in the wake of Kerry’s defeat and the desire of the jubilating
Reds and certain obsequious Blues for “healing.” But there’s no doubt that
Hermann
and Adolf rode the wave of Red Values (Rote Werte!), just like Karl and
George II. In both Nazi Germany and Bush's America, a militant, political
Protestantism
was and is used to try to destroy "evil" and dominate the world. Of
course, the Nazis didn't ultimately succeed, and neither
will the Bushites. But our Blue Values place us rather close in spirit
to the academies and theaters of Weimar
Berlin that flourished in the 1920s, and look what happened to
them when the German Christian Brownshirts stormed in to "clean" up
the town.
 It’s
scary enough to make us Blue Staters spend hours drawing and redrawing
maps featuring the United States of Canada, with a short front “leg” reaching
into the Northeast and a longer hind leg picking up the Pacific. We Californians
are threatening secession, and
only half-joking when we do. We’re the beautiful, blue-eyed,
battered wife, beaten black-and-blue
by
the
redneck
husband with a pistol under his pillow. Beaten and belittled! So enough
already, we want a divorce! To add insult to injury, this battered wife
here is paying
the bills. That is, almost every one of the Blue States, led by California,
sends
more tax dollars to Washington than Washington sends back to us, meaning
we hedonistic but hardworking Blues are subsidizing our Red church-hugging
counterparts (so ignorant they can't support themselves), even as they
slap us around, spend our hard-earned money on stupid wars and other extravagances,
and
call
us sluts
and
whores
and
bitches.
If a
woman like California asked me for advice on what to do about a husband
like, say, Mississippi, I’d counsel her to “Cut your losses and leave, honey.”
And I must say, it’s tempting. But I think I'll
give it another year. Ever the optimist, I see a silver-blue lining in Electile
Dysfunction ’04. It has made me, and many Blue Staters like me, stand just
a little taller for our true Blue Values than we did during the height of
the election season when the ABB mantra effectively shut us up. I’m true
Blue, and I stand by my Blue Values with as much passion and conviction
as Red Staters believe that the Virgin Birth was a fact of life, and Dubya
is an
honest man
And I
believe that Jesus is on my side; after all, wasn’t his “best friend” Mary
Magdalene? Mohammed, too; that harem thing isn’t so bad if the women
are bi and like each other.
Brothers
and Sisters, Lovers and Sinners, we are all Children of Sex. We may or
may not be Children of God, but no matter
what color our state, no matter whom we vote for or whether our votes are
counted or stolen, or whether we’re of the majority of Americans that don’t
bother to vote at all, no matter how many people we kill or liberate or
touch or heal, no matter whom we hate or how much we love, we are ALL Children
of SEX. Praise the Lord and the Lady.
 Let's
start a Blue Party!

Now we
true Blues just need a few sexy, smart, media-friendly candidates to represent
our values. Let's start a Blue Party! Let's mount our horses, and battle
on,
as indecent
insurgents in our own land, doing what we can to protect
our Enlightenment-inspired Constitution and hard-won political and sexual
freedoms. Let us ride like Paul Revere, and sing out to the world that
not all Americans are Red with love for the murderous policies of George
W. Bush.
Let us conspire,
preach,
protest, party and inform. And let us not take up arms (except in self-defense
or the defense of our loved ones), for that is against our values.
Suing
for our rights is another matter. Let us cultivate the friendship of lawyers
and/or sue for our rights in pro per. Actually, I sued
the LAPD in pro per for infringement of my 4th
amendment rights last year, and negotiated a very good financial settlement,
as well as reached a more respectful understanding (more on that later).
And let us fight—in the courts and in the media, in the streets and in
the cornfields, in the boardrooms and in the bedrooms, in the churches
and in the strip clubs--for what we believe. And let us continue to do
so with pleasure, compassion, art
and
lots of
lube,
because
these
are
things
we
value.
Can
I hear an Amen? Can I hear an Awomen? All right then, Brothers & Sisters,
Lovers & Sinners, I want you to roll up your sleeves and pull down your pants!
There’s lots of work and play to be done, and less and less freedom to
do it.

Note
from Dr. Suzy: This
column was extrapolated from my monologue "Bottoms Up For Blue Values,"
broadcast live on November 6, 2004
on The
Dr. Susan Block Show. Please
Write Me ! Send me your tired, your poor,
your hate mail, love letters, commentary, photos,
questions and confessions at liberties@blockbooks.com.

Dr. Susan
Block is a sex educator, cultural commentator, host of The Dr. Susan
Block Show and author of The 10 Commandments of Pleasure.
Visit her website at http://www.drsusanblock.com 
© November
10, 2004, Dr.
Susan Block
For reprint rights, please contact rox@blockbooks.com
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