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Dr. Susan Block's
Dr. Laura Diaries (continued)


October 23, 1998

Wherein Dr. Laura COMES OUT as the
"Pseudo-Professional Porn Queen"
That She'd Accused Me of Being,
And Becomes An American Symbol of
Sexual Hypocrisy

Finally, I know what a "pseudo-professional porn queen is." It's Dr. Laura herself !

Bill Ballance, Laura's former lover, has just published explicit, nude photos of the Queen of Moralizing Mean which he took during their passionate extramarital affair when they used to "thrash around under the sheets like a couple of jack rabbits," on the IEG (Internet Entertainment Group) Website. The same company that brought us the private porn tape of Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee is now showing naked photos of Dr. Laura Schlessinger on the Internet, taken by Ballance when she was about 28, a married woman, an aspiring star and what she'd now call a cheating floozy.

These photos were obviously not coerced or even taken on the sly. She's posing. She looks relaxed, happy, sexy, even slutty. She's smiling broadly. She's showing off her body like a pro. One shot has her legs spread in the classic Hustler-style open beaver shot. Now who's a "Pseudo-Professional Porn Queen?"

Actually, she looks kind of cute. Not a bad little body. If Dr. L. had half an ounce of sense, she'd just let the pictures be and not make a fuss. But she doesn't, and she hasn't. In fact, she's gone to court for an injunction against showing them. In typical Dr. Laura-style double-speak, she's claiming that the photos are not of her, but she owns the copyright to them. And she says Clinton prevaricates!

I guess the injunction temporarily prevents IEG from showing Dr. Laura's breasts and genitalia, but not the rest of her. So now we get to see Laura naked with horizontal black bars against her tits, and a vertical black bar up her twat. This makes her look even more sleazy than if the photos were left alone.

I still can't get over the ironic justice of all this. Thanks to the Block Curse, as well as the collective curses of the thousands of women and men that this Puritan-in-Jew's-Clothing has hurt so maliciously and self-aggrandizingly over the years, Dr. Laura has been revealed to BE exactly what she accused me of being.

Dr. Laura, as I told you before, you and I are not so different. Both of us are sexual, smart, sensitive, striving Jewish women who love the limelight and yearn to be of service to others. The big difference is that I have stayed true to my nature, while you have attempted to turn yourself into an arbiter of virtue, and in so doing, you have actually become a Symbol of Sexual Hypocrisy.


PUBLISHED: OCTOBER 23, 1998 

October 25, 1998

Wherein I Muse Thoughtfully
About Dr. Laura's Porn-Queen
Predicament

I'm just wondering how Dr. Laura feels right now. Obviously, she must be crazed with fury that her nude pictures, her "pseudo-professional porn queen" poses, have found their way to the world via the magic of Internet technology. Relations with husband Lew Bishop must be fraught with tension right now. Is she telling him that the photos are not really her? How could he believe her when the likeness is so obvious? And what is she telling her beloved son? Young Derek is probably studying the photos of Mom on IEG's site whenever he gets a chance, wondering what kind of person his stern, unforgiving, anti-sex mother was when she posed so joyously and lasciviously for her extramarital lover's hot lens. Does he think she was "evil," as she now calls people who cheat on their spouses and pose lewdly for cameras? Does he find her sexy?

And what does she think when she looks at those pictures? What does she feel? Does she feel she was evil back then? Or does she look into her own eyes and see a sweet sexual spirit, a spirit that she herself corrupted in her lust for money, power and fame. A spirit that she tried to annihilate when she decided that the way for her to be successful was to denounce her true freewheeling sexuality and endorse strict, unforgiving, hyper-conservative, fire-and-brimstone-style morality.

I wonder if Dr. Laura will have an epiphany. Maybe she'll look at these cute nude photos of herself and remember that she wasn't such a terrible person. Maybe she'll realize that the people she bashes and belittles for "shacking up" or expressing their sexuality in other ways aren't so horrible either. Maybe she'll take back her attacks on the President for lying about his sex life, since she's now been caught lying about these photos. Maybe she'll even apologize to me for calling me a name that these pictures reveal her to be. Maybe she'll wake up and smell the sex. Maybe these photographs will force her lying eyes to see the truth. Maybe.

But I'm not holding my breath.

 


continue to:
Wherein I Get the Privilege of
Gazing Upon Dr. Laura's Missing
Nipples, Bush and Tanlines

DR. SUSAN BLOCK'S
DR. LAURA DIARIES


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