Susan McDougal in handcuffs and shackled.

You’re listening to me, Dr. Susan Block, your love doctor, your peacemongering, vibrator-wielding freedom fighter. And speaking of freedom, let’s talk about freedom of speaking & freedom not to speak, if you do not wish to speak…I wish to speak to America, land of the free…specifically to America’s Independent Prosecutor Kenneth W. Starr…That’s right, I’m talking to you, Kenny…you puritanical, powermad, partisan, piefaced, porkypig  sadist.  Spending 40 million of our tax dollars to try to give our President a legalistic wedgie is one thing.  Making our country the sex joke of the world is another. Forcing a mother to testify against her daughter about her sex life is pretty low. Going thru Chelsea’s underwear drawer looking for hidden documents is pretty sick…But keeping a woman in shackles, big heavy shackles, because she won’t say what you want her to say is beyond sick, it’s sinister.  Ken Starr, why are you torturing Susan McDougal like you’re in a scene out of some bowdlerized Marquis de Sade novel? Don’t we Americans chastise Chinese dictators for treating their political prisoners this way? And if this woman isn’t a political prisoner, well, what’s she in for?  Contempt of court?  Please.  Contempt of you, Ken Starr, as so many Americans feel contempt for you & your underhanded partisan voyeurism. Why do you have to shackle this middle-aged woman with back problems?  Afraid she’ll try to escape? I don’t think so. No, Kenneth de Torquemada, you have deeper, more profound reasons for shackling Susan McDougal, don’t you? You want to humiliate her, degrade her—really degrade her. Not degrade her like some puritans & anti-sex feminists say pornography is degrading, nothing silly & inconsequential like that. We’re talking real degradation, real debasement, torture & imprisonment.

You’re trying to degrade her so she’ll crack, spill the beans & say the President is an Asshole or the President is the Antichrist or the President signed onto a bad land deal 20 years ago or the President exposed his dick to somebody. And you & that fascist billionaire patron of yours (Richard Mellon Scaife) have bribed & tricked & threatened enough people to say these things or come close to saying them. But Susan McDougal won’t. Who knows why? I don’t know why. Maybe because she doesn’t think the President is an Asshole or the Antichrist or that he knowingly cheated on a land deal or waved his dick in her face.  Or maybe she did see his dick, maybe she sucked his dick, or maybe she just won’t suck yours.  She just won’t tell you what you want to hear, & you, you smug little pudgy-faced peeper, you can’t bear it. And since this great democracy of ours has somehow given you more power than most modern kings & queens, I guess you’re going to keep this woman shackled & degraded in jail until she gives you what you want. Ken Starr, you make Joe McCarthy look like a nice guy…Of course, we’ve come to expect inhumane actions from you, but how about the inhumane reaction from our Great American Media! All those yakking heads analyzing every facial muscle on Clinton’s face as they interrogate him about his sex life & what he thinks about what Starr thinks about his sex life.

Then they show Susan McDougal trudging around in shackles, grinning gamely but clearly degraded beyond the point of decency considering her so-called crimes, & all these yakking heads can yak about is “why doesn’t she make a deal?” Otherwise, they don’t say a word.  Well, I say it’s outrageous. I say it’s undemocratic. I say it’s embarrassing. I say, if we call ourselves the world’s freest country…Free Susan McDougal!!  Shackle Kenneth Starr!!  And stick a dildo molded from the President’s dick up his butt!!   And then make him watch this show 300 times.  In fact, make him watch every unedited Dr. Susan Block Show ever made over the past six years—all 2000 hours of it.  And then let him jerk off, & relax.  C’mon Kenny, relax…Peace, Kenny, peace & freedom & SEX…